Kiss Me

When people today talk about kissing, they do so in such a way that it's as casual as shaking someone's hand. In today's world young or old a kiss is like a handshake. If your dating someone, if you like someone, or even if your chosen in a game, you kiss. Since this idea that a kiss is something you can just throw away erupted into modern day America, 84% of kids have lost their lip virginity by the 5th grade. I wonder though, if a kiss is so casual and so miniscule compared to other ways of showing affection, why haven't I had mine? But this is one of those very few questions that I CAN answer. The reason is that not only am I part of the 16% who didn't have their first kiss in 5th grade.... but I am part of the 4.5% of people in general, who have never been kissed ever. I'm basically as virgin as it gets. I didn't have my first kiss not because I couldn't land a boyfriend... I've had a few, but because I believe that a kiss is NOT something as casual as a handshake, and that your first kiss is a moment you should remember for all eternity. If you let your first kiss slip away to a guy you don't really like and in place that you probably won't see again or remember 6 months from now let alone years, you've lost something precious. When I get my first kiss, probably much later than ALL of my friends, I want to feel the breath rush out of my in surprise and shock and happiness, I want it to feel like the Earth stopped turning for the few seconds of the kiss, and I want those few seconds to feel like an eternity. I want it to be special, I can't plan it out but I can hope that when I look up from that kiss there staring back at me will be the one I was supposed to have that kiss with. I really want my kiss to be spontaneous, but the one thing I've dreamed about for a while now is to have my first kiss in the rain. I don't know what makes the rain such a romantic thing, but to me it makes the moment even more special. I'm not like the 84% of the population I haven't gotten my first kiss yet for the sole reason that I truly believe,

A kiss is NOT a handshake. :)

"Don't try to control love, it will come at it's designated time, and when it does you'll feel like your life has been completed. Just let it flow."

World War III: Sensibility vs. Desire

The wars fought between countries and enemies cost bloodshed, injury, and death. The war you fight with yourself isn't physically this severe, but emotionally it's just as devastating. It leads you to the question... what happens when your heart leads you the wrong way? You spend months fighting your heart, telling yourself it'll be you that gets hurt in the end. However there comes a time when your strong mind falters and logic just doesn't make any sense. Sensibility falls second to your heart where your deepest desires are kept hidden away from the world 97% of the time. Your discipline dies, you compromise your beliefs, you surrender to a four letter word that only the bravest men and the luckiest women ever feel, love. When your heart wins the war, you haven't won. This is one battle, only one, and in the next you have no armour, no protection. You put your heart out on the street laying out for somebody to step on, and when it gets broken it feels like the wind was knocked out of you, like you fell off the side of the earth. You have no explanation for why you are crying, they could have done nothing but ignore you but you act as though they had dropped you off the edge of a building. You sulk for weeks and as soon as it seems like your wounds will never heal you wake up one morning and look out the window and you decide to give the world a second chance. The cycle repeats itself over and over. You let your heart get broken every time and every time you feel the same pain, the same heart getting stepped on till you feel like the next time it gets stepped on will be the one that shatters it. But at the same time of you give up, if you stop trying if you start to run away and close yourself up to everything you'll never win the war. 

"When all is said and done the people that break your heart didn't ruin your life, they merely turned the next page for you."

Dignity

When I hear the word dignity,I automatically think of women in long lavender and mint green ball gowns, silently gliding into a fancy restaurant (you know the ones where they have those cute little forks and 3 different spoons so you can eat 1 bowl of ice cream, or sorbet as they call it:D). Then with a swish of their hand rejecting every guy that comes over to talk/flirt with them... When I thought of this, I was disgusted at how boring it all seemed. I never wanted to be dignified like the women in my mind. I just wanted to have fun!
 Well things didn't change and Im older and I just finished the 8th grade. When I was around guys I would be cutesy, flirty, innocent, gullible, and talk in this incredibly high pitched whiny voice. The guys paid attention to me so I thought it was working so in summer school I tried it out on the only guys in the class that I knew. When they started making fun of me I knew it was working because that's what the guys at school did. However, when I thought about it I realized that I didn't WANT to be made fun of. I wanted guys to flirt with ME not the other way around. I had been told by people that lots of guys liked me that year... but not one of them asked me out. Could it be because they actually DIDN'T like me? I mean I was a whiny little baby now that I look at it correctly. So from now on I'm going to carry myself with dignity like the women in my imagination... but I'm going to have fun with it. I'm going to be the one girl in the blue gown who can hold herself with dignity but still have fun. I'm going to try and stand out, because no one ever gets any action from the sidelines.


"enjoy your life, because you only get one"