I've Just Seen A Face

Don't you LOVE the feeling when your so confused about something... and it gets to the point where it really doesn't make a difference anymore and you just forget about it? THEN one day sometime later... you see something that triggers your memory and BAM you have an epiphany and you completely figure it out??

This happened to me today. It all started when I saw Nancy Drew in theaters. The movie was decent... but you have to admit the best part of the movie was that really cute guy who played Ned. ;) So last semester as you may remember around Halloween I fell for a guy that I didn't really know all too well except that I'd noticed him in junior high and never really thought much of him after that. Well I had it hard for this guy.. and I didn't really understand why... it actually really confused me sometimes... I knew he was cute.. but there were a lot cuter guys I could be wasting my time on.... why him? I always thought it was because I had thought he was into me first. But then I discovered something. This afternoon I was watching Nancy Drew for the first time since I'd seen it in theaters and I realized that the guy I liked so much reminded me soooooooooooooo much of NED!!! That's why! And when i realized this fact I was shocked.. and amazed... and I was strangely relived and totally excited that I'd figured that out!!! It was like an epiphany. And all I needed that whole time, to figure that out, was too see that cute actor's face.

"EUREKA" -Albert Einstein

As Time Goes By

When people step into unfamiliar situations.. our first instinct is to want to make friends. To make a friend you look around, find one person that you notice has something in common with you, and you comment on that. Pretty soon you guys find you have a bunch of other superficial things in common and they become your friend. As you guys hang out more and learn more about each other.. you gradually meet their friends, they meet yours and you all begin to hang out. When they start inviting you places outside school you earn best friend status with him/her or whoever else is there. You go on their speed dial and your group does everything together. Everything is great. But then.. enter high school. Everything is different. You know high school really is the place where you discover who you are. Where you fit in this world. It separates you into tiny little groups and those groups dictate your friends and who you hang out with at school. However it shouldn't dictate your best friends. You should be best friends with them even if you don't hang out with them at all during brunch and lunch. But sometimes... and its almost inevitable, the groups you hang out with clash. When that happens one of two things happens. 1. you learn to tolerate... or 2. their group hates you and your group hates him/her. It's usually the 2nd one. That's just how high school is. And now you sit there and bag on each other and each other's friends and it's almost like your too different now to even hold a decent conversation. But it's one of those things... as time goes by, people change, people grow in good and bad ways, they stray away from the path, and people grow apart. It's just something that happens. It sucks... but it happens. I know because it's happening to me. And no matter how hard I try... I can't ever like the people she hangs out with, and she can't ever fit in with mine. Tolerance simply melts away and were both forced to stick up for our friends by insulting one another's.

She said "most of your friends are annoying."
I said, "most of your friends will be pregnant before I start driving"

That's what happens as time goes by.

Where Do I Go From Here?

I'm used to standing at crossroads, to make decisionsand to learn based on the pathway I choose. Where that leads me is usually another crossroad... but somehow I made a mistake and hit a dead end. Now I'm stranded on an island everything surrounding me is barren ground and thick gray mist and fog. There's nowhere for me to run no reason for me to hide. I don't feel sad or angry, I don't feel anything at all... which is consequentially worse. Way worse than any emotion I have ever felt in my lifetime. I've known heartache and pain that has made me stronger... I've felt joy, happiness, power, vulnerability, I've felt it all... but now I feel nothing. Is this what it feels like to die. I feel like I have died, like everything around me has disappeared and all that's left of me is an empty shell of a normal girl walking around pretending like she's interested in everything anybody has to say. I used to be upset when the things I tried didn't work out... now all I feel is nothing... and it scares me. I used to think I was special that I was meant to do something bigger, to have fun and live my life, a fantastic romance that someday I could write a book about. But everyday... that dream is fading away bit by bit. Till all that will be left is gray fog and mist. A lonely stretch of nothingness. I need to feel again... I want to feel again. But there is only one thing that will make me feel, I'm convinced of it... only one person can do anything about this... and I have yet to see it happen.. my time is running out... every day I feel a little less.. and I want it even more. If I don't get what I need soon... my personality may change permanently. I hope for the sake of myself... that something happens..fast. Someone needs to save me from this island... and tell me where I go from here.


"Where do i go from here, so many voices ringing in my ear, which is the voice that i was meant to hear? How will I know, where do I go.. from here?" -Pocahontas

Unsupportive Parents

Every kid is born into this world into the arms of people that are supposed to love them and care for them for the next 18 years of their life. In those years they will clothe and feed them and provide them shelter. On top of all this they are also obligated to turn us into our own persons.. therefore discovering what we like what we dislike and what were good at. Some of these things don't correspond with what our parents want however parents are supposed to support us anyway and make it a point to help us succeed. That's what a good parent would do anyway. However some parents weren't brought up to have kids... some were meant to live alone.. and should live alone by means of social deficiency but have somehow in a mixup of some sort ended up with a family. These people don't know how to make sacrifices... they don't know how to love their kids.. and they certainly don't know how to help them achieve anything in the world.. except for when they feel like it. When parents become selfish it's the kid that has to take charge... make the sacrifices. What's worse than a parent like this.. is one that doesn't appreciate your talents. A parent who isn't proud of you for what you can accomplish.. but detests you for accomplishing something that they don't prefer. It's a horrible thing when parents don't appreciate your talents. If kids were supposed to be good at everything the parents like and want everything that their parents wanted then WHY DO THEY GO THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF HAVING US? If they want a mini me of themselves.. why don't they go to a lab and make a freaking CLONE! That's what they want... someone who wants someone exactly like them who wants everything exactly when they want it.. and to do everything they want to do and think exactly how they think. Parents think that because they had you that everything they say is right and everything you say is wrong. They sit there scolding u for being "inconsiderate" but they go behind and do THE EXACT SAME THING!!!! However when you alert them of this hypocrisy what do they say? Do they say "thank you so much for making me aware that I'm doing something wrong, in the future I will try and do better" do they admit to being HUMAN and that they can make mistakes? NO!!!! They take stuff away because they don't want you to ever think they are anything but F***ING PERFECT!!! So where as you can be yelled at and upbraided for playing the piano when GOD FORBID your dad is listening to his corny 70s music that NOBODY listens too because it's more than 3 decades old. That same father can argue that he doesn't have to come to your play because "your part is big enough for you to want to perform... but not big enough to come see." Yeah that's right folks.. there are quotations around that statement. So the next time your parent tells you that you've done something wrong, before saying your sorry... think about some of the things THEY need to apologize for... because after all the trouble they go through to make sure you think they're God... they're still human.